I have talked about this with my previous therapist, but not with my PDoc yet. What my therapist said was that most men are like this, and that now I'm a grown up adult with a job, it really doesn't matter. So that made me think of not bringing this up again at my PDoc.

But I understand that all those other things I'm suffering such as OCD, GAD, Insomnia and IBS are just symptoms from the underlying problem. I have taken several self diagnostic Autism and Asperger tests, and they all suggest a very high probability of high functioning autism.

I'm married in a dysfunctional marriage. I'm a software engineer in profession, and I can be proud of my career and achievements. I'm quite revered among my colleagues for my intellectual prowess in the field.

At school, I was considered a freak, and I would in many occasions ally with the bullied against the bullies. Many teachers has complained my parents that I'm not paying attention at the classes, because I do not look at the teacher and their eyes. But I do listen to every single word they say with undivided attention; only that they do not see me looking at them. But the wisest teachers know that I'm the one giving the most attention. Even to the day, I find it quite difficult to keep an eye contact.

I do several sports, but not any team sports. Archery and Badminton at the moment. Because even in badminton dual play I find it hard to keep track of the one other team member and coordinate.

I can't stand dumb people, and I get very irritated if someones stupidity bothers my matters. It is very hard for me to walk on a crowded street for a couple of reasons. I find it very uncomfortable to be touched by a stranger. As soon as I reach safe place, I need to wash away any dirt I got from people outside. When outside, I'm constantly worried if I would have dropped something, so I need to check the way I have passed, not just once, but several times. This irritates me, and specially when other people look at me and what I would be searching for, or to help me search what I'm looking for. It makes me feel pathetic. I just can't help it.

I can look at a bunch of numbers and see so many patterns. My field of research is Enterprise Intelligence, and it involves writing programs to see patterns in numbers and relations between pieces of information. I see patterns everywhere. When other people scratch the surface, I see through the flesh to the gears, nuts and bolts. Since I was like 8~10, I could take down a clock or a Walkman mechanism and put it all back together.

My mom says, when I was like 3~4, I was not talking and when I started speaking I was talking long sentences at a very high pace that many other people couldn't comprehend it. So my mom had to train me speak in a slower pace so other people can understand. My mother has been very helpful throughout my development. She is a science teacher with an old school diploma in child psychology. She knows I have been a different child, but probably does not know a word for that difference. About my current status of anxiety related complications, she often asks me "what are the problems you have to worry so much". But it is not just about "some problems"; anxiety can come out of nowhere.

Most of my childhood was spent with my grandmother, while my parents had their job far away. It is hard for me to explain emotions I have. Keeping thought records is a difficult thing. I have so many internal dialogues and trains of thoughts going at many directions at the same time. That could be one reason for being unable to fall asleep.

Those are just some stuff I'm/I've gone/going through. I do not know weather I should talk about this with my PDoc too. Maybe she has already figured it out.. Does it worth a diagnosis, and what (treatment) options would open after a diagnosis.