Hi, Jessica, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a miscarriage with our first baby, 21 years ago, and I am still very affected by it. For me, it was especially (and unexpectedly) physically difficult, and I think that's why we get so stuck with the PTSD symptoms - the body remembers, and it keeps on reminding us.

What helped me, when I finally did talk to my first T about it 15 years ago, was to finally take it seriously and not care any more whether it was a big enough or real enough loss to grieve. I had the priest who married us and christened both our children hold a small service at the 'family church' (not that we ever go there outside of weddings and funerals!), and somehow, it gave me something that helped me move on some. That, and a lot of stilted and hard talking about graphic stuff that I am really not totally done with, yet.

I think your idea of handing your kit over to your T is a great one: but I'd be sure to have a back up plan in case he says no - I guess it depends on the relationship and the T. I know that mine would be abs. fine, and I would feel so protected by him. But I would also be devastated if he said no, for whatever reason - and it sounds like you don't need any more devastation right now.

Take good care of you - it's an awful, painful time. And maybe think about what you would do to honour yourself and your precious lost baby, if you were to free yourself from all the self-judgement.

I think it's fantastic that