Great orgasm's are like winning a satisfying game. If you both win; it's great, everyone is excited for the next game. Some season's, only one person wins, when it's the same person over and over the game is no longer fun. Sometimes men make better lovers when they are high. That might break the ice. Please don't feel bad when you don't get there. Sometimes I can tell when it's not going to happen and it's not because of H. If I was doing it for myself it still might not even happen. And when I am taking less antianxiety meds, it happens more easily/more often. It's ok to be selfish and get more time than him--part of it is just accepting it/being willing to indulge yourself only/selfishly every once in a while for what seems like a long, long time.....