Well I went to my appointment today and meet the Psychologist. I am pretty sure I had met her before I moved to Athens last year although I did not bring it up in this session. She is going to do psycho-therapy with me. I told her a brief history of my efforts to get mental health treatment.

I told her that I was having extreme emotional/grief pain over my sister up in Athens, Georgia. I told her it was unbearable and that I needed serious help from her. I started to break down. I asked her is she would advocate for me with my psychiatrist to make him understand how serious my emotional state has deteriorated so that he can put me on the appropriate medications. She said she would.

I grieve because I let life go by and I did not call or write my sister at all. Of course I did not call or write anyone at all except my Mom. That is why I have been alone my whole life. But Julie believes it is because I did not love her. I just wrote her two long letters explaining that when I was ten years old, the year she was born, I already had a serious dissociative disorder and borderline personality disorder. I was totally undeveloped psychologically and emotionally. Things got worse into my teenage years and did not get better until I went into the Army. If I had had sane parents these things would have been recognized at the time but I had emotionally ill parents. After the Army, college, wives, work, the struggle to do all the normal things that people do while being seriously mentally damaged, without knowing it, took all my focus and life slipped by. So now I am grieving that I lost my sister in the process.