Real friends don't walk away in your time of need and nothing you've written indicates you are a terrible person at all. I think on some level you know what I'm writing is true but I understand how them leaving would cause you to question yourself. Who are we to confide in if not our friends? Maybe they had too many of their own problems to handle more which says nothing about you or them, just simply explains why they needed to walk away? Be your own friend and know that you were unwell when you unloaded or you wouldn't have needed to unload at all. You are worthy of having friends....you seem smart and considerate and when the time and person is right you will have a friend again. (((Hugs)))