My Support Forums - View Single Post - I want to escape from a burden I'm tired of.

Misssy2 · Aug 09, 2017, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose76

leejosepho - that was a powerful message. I say to myself often: "Am I going to just keep sacrificing myself and my life on an altar to this guy?" Then I think, "Yeah, like you've got something better to do." (If I stop caring for him, I might just go to bed for the rest of my life. This little "job" I've given myself gets me up and "doing" and someone benefits from it.)

It's the not feeling loved that is hard. It's the contempt and disdain in his voice that is hard to hear. He probably does love me . . . after a fashion . . . within the scope of his limited capacities that always were pretty limited. But he finds me so dislikable. Well . . . he can join the crowd. So - yes - that's another thing I'm being triggered back to.

Sometimes I really don't even want to keep living. And that's not melodrama.

Hi Rose...I'm starting to notice my Dad starting dementia at 74. His mother and sister died from this.

SO..I do know what you are going thru (as far as the loss of the original person)...I stopped visiting my Grandmother in the nursing home because she was so "MEAN" to me. I was NOT however her primary caregiver so your burden is so much greater than mine was.

I don't regret stopping visiting her because I know she really didn't know what she was saying or doing most of the time...only had sort periods of clarity...If she had maintained the clarity..I like you would have probably forced myself to go.

Your story interest me..because i have alot of compassion for you (as a perfect stranger)and also because I am reading and thinking ...

OK...when I do become the primary caregiver for my father and I feel the things that this woman is feeling...I will know that my thoughts are NOT evil...but NORMAL...and I am not alone.

A big hallmark of dementia is this mean behavior....I'm sure you have been told that...but it is REALLY hard to believe it is the DEMENTIA that is doing all these horrible things...when you are looking at the person...it just feels like they mean it

.

I like you have the "runaway" child thing...and also think my maturity got cut off somewhere along the way...And reading your post...realizing I may be faced with these decisions one day...I'm thinking.....I would abandon ship and go much LESS than I was...I would have to refuse taking him home...cause its just not possible and it is above my pay scale to take care of an dementia person.

I think that of course they don't want to be put in a home...but are they really aware they are in a home? My Grandmother was aware sometimes and called the Nurses *****es...and told us untrue stories about them (or where they true?) When it got that complicated for me...I stopped going.

My Dad couldn't stop going for his own personal reasons..being he is religious and it was his "mother". And I ended up hating dementia (but it was really my Grandmother) I hated...for leaving us..and for beating up my father so badly every weekend....I had never seen my Dad cry before that.

I think you know it is at the point for you to step back...its just very hard.
You have done YOUR BEST....and your best IS good enough....

You will be in my thoughts...and as I come on PC...I will hope to remember to see how you are doing.