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I thought I had lost you, and I wanted to commit anew to no contact by telling that person directly to stay the **** out of my life.
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This passage puzzles me because it makes it sound like she wanted to contact him, and perhaps did contact him, even after having just told you in the preceding two sentences that she could not contact him as she did not have his number.
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The crushing loneliness came from thinking I’d lost the love of my life, and that I was helpless to do anything about it
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To what extent do you believe this?
You asked for my take. I look at it in three steps.
1. How much do you believe this passage, that you are the love of her life?
If there is a lot of truth in that, then:
2. How do you feel about her, aside from the lying?
If you got past the first two steps, then the third step is perhaps the most challenging.
3. Everyone is flawed, of course, and I do not judge her; in fact, I have a lot of compassion for her. But it seems that a relationship with her comes with a lot of challenges. Take for example contacting the abusive ex. I can believe it could happen innocently; I can believe that in a fit of despair she would almost by reflex contact someone that had been a consistent place for her, even if abusive (similarly, people are often reluctant to leave their abusive partners in the first place). But it sounds like there might be a lot of such events/drama in her life. So even if her heart is in the right place (see question 1 above), I think that there are going to be times that it will be challenging to be with her.
I'm not so sure that you can't trust her--I mean, for example, I'm not so sure that she would just out-and-out betray you by intentionally sleeping with somebody else when under no emotional duress--but she sounds very stressable and impulsive, inclined to do things that are not outright betrayals but are hard for her to admit to and hard for her to explain. If I am right, and if you are with her, that will make things challenging for you.
How much do you find that when she feels safe, she is still impulsive and volatile? Or does that tend to fade when she feels safe?
So if you can trust her in the sense that she won't out-and-out betray you, but she is very challenging in her impulsiveness and lack of candor about it: what do you think? Do you/could you care enough about her to be willing to try to deal with the challenges that she inevitably brings?