Dear - its your reactions to other people. That is, how much you let them in. That is, your boundaries.

Some families stomp all over boundaries as a way of controlling the other members of the family. Then when we go out into the world, we are pretty much defenseless, because we experience other people's innocent, valid interactions with us, the same way as our family's interactions - still as stomping on our boundaries. I lived this. It sucks. Thats why ive been in therapy for freakin forever.

Anne Katherine has some - 3 - very good books on self sabotage and boundaries. You should listen to me, i have a math degree! seriously, i wish you well.