I know it's not the point really, but I, too, disagree with your T's assertion that it's always safer for women to have an OB, and to me it just underlines how inappropriate it was for him to spout off with medical advice in the first place. For low-risk pregnancies I don't even think there's a debate that outcomes are better with midwives.

If you do turn out to not be in the low-risk category, and you do need an OB, it would probably help to canvas as many midwives as you can (even reach out, if possible, to home birth midwives) for recommendations. Some OB's have learned from midwives in some good ways, but some are out of the 1950s; I have hope and faith that with some help, you should be able to find the good ones.

I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't imagine anyone saying to you "my wife would be happy to switch places" when you have suffered the death of a child. I would never be able to be civil to such a man again if it were me.

The best of luck to you in this pregnancy and birth. I know our emotions don't obey the laws of probability, but it's statistically very likely that everything will work out fine.