I was suicidal last September and have been seeing my therapist twice a week for almost 8 months. Every session has been intense. I just cry. I feel like have made slow painful progress, coming to terms with childhood abuse and trauma I was in denial about. But overall I just feel so drained and worn out by the whole process.

I do love my therapist and he will be away for the first time for a week on Monday, but I feel like I need a longer break away from him restarting in september. We've talked about his break before and my fears about him leaving and had our last session yesterday. I guess I would have liked an acknowledgement that he was leaving, a back up plan of what to do if I was very distressed or maybe details of another therapist. To be told that we'd start again the following week or to be given a transition object or a real hug instead of being told that he felt like he wanted to hug me- after I just sat and cried without saying a word for the first 40 mins and only talking in the last 10. It's just a week but it's not just a week. Maybe I just want to prove that I can cope on my own. I pay for therapy myself,but because I'm choosing to take a break and missing sessions I feel like I should pay for the three weeks that I want to miss. I feel childish saying this, but if he can take breaks when he wants to without consequences why can't I? If I owe money I will honour that, but would you pay?