The trouble with that is i spent my later childhood locked up with my parents. So I know having someone tell me I'm wrong and limiting my freedom doesn't work either.

Frankly I am exhausted. I can't handle my adult life when I allocated so much energy to my childhood struggle. Talking about this makes me want to die. I feel like throwing up.

I don't know anything except for this power struggle and control. I don't know how to be reasonable with myself or other people. For example I can't establish a normal routine of sleeping and eating and showering/hygiene. I want to punish myself but it goes deeper than that. I just can't take care of myself.

Needy yet repulsive.