Some of you have referred me to some books recently. They look like extremely good books. I wish I could get them. First is the financial thing. I do not want to use my credit card anymore because I am going to have to cut it up in the near future do to poverty. Secondly, I am tired. It is my opinion now that it is the mental health professionals job to read these books and know how to help me.

Ninety percent of my problem is not having people in my life from childhood to the present, who knew how to communicate sanely. If my parents had communicated with their children sanely most of our problems would have been recognized during childhood. Communication and sensitivity from the parents probably could have cured/solved many of the emotional problems associated with borderline personality disorder and ,even, dissociative disorder.

But, I believe now that both my parents had borderline personality disorder to some degree. I know that they had some personality disorder and emotional problems from growing up in dysfunctional families. (I know my Mom had a dissociative disorder.) That is where they learned their parenting and communication skills, which caused their childrens' emotional problems.

My parents tried their best. They were good people. Dad was very financially generous to his children. His main sin was that he did not parent at all and Mom's parenting skills damaged all her children by the time they were three years old. Mom had no sensitivity for toddlers' feelings or emotions.

I am still having serious grief issues currently over all this. Knowledge and understanding that comes too late in life to fix anything. I cannot get my life back or my sisters life back now. That is why the thought of reading these books gets me extremely upset.