As an update, I was less lonely when I was working this summer. Now that that job is over and I'm waiting to see what happens with the interviews I've had this week for a full time job in the Fall/Spring, the feelings of severe loneliness have come back.

Even worse, my relationship is now long distance and there's no one I'm remotely close to in the town I'm living in. I have at least some guaranteed employment here, so I couldn't go with him. I can fill my down time right now with chores, organizing my living space, getting work done on long and short term projects, but I'm so empty that I can't get much done.

I mean, what's the point of anything I do, if I don't really have enough connections to share it with to have my social needs fulfilled? I may be shy/socially anxious and get overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, but I'm not really an introvert. I've been rejected and essentially left out by most of my family. I was rejected by all my close friends in the past. The first person I tried to get close to when I first moved to where I am now (about 6 years ago) rejected me in an unnecessarily brutal fashion. I originally lived with roommates, but one of them ended up triggering the hell out of me, so I don't feel safe moving in with someone outside of my boyfriend and that's not financially possible right now. I can't get a pet either because I'm unable to provide the home an animal needs to thrive right now. So I'm completely alone, abandoned, and have had chronic severe loneliness for about 6 years now. Who knows how many years or decades that's already taken off my life span.

My only hope is to get one of the jobs I just applied for so I'm around people all day. At the job I really want, I'd be around hundreds of people everyday and the coworkers are like a family. It's almost like I'd have a family of my very own since I apparently won't get my needs met from my family of origin and I'm just not good enough to make my own.