Rapid cycling is a *****. I knew I was going to crash hard based on how high I was yesterday but I didn't think it would be so swift and deep. I feel horribly depressed today. All I want to do is take trazadone and go to bed. But I made plans with my old high school friends. I can't cancel. I mean I could but I'd feel awful about it. It might be better for me to go anyway. That way I'm not stewing in my negative thoughts all night.

I'm going out tomorrow night too but I'm actually excited for that. I just hope I'm not a drag.

Starting the depakote Sunday. I want to have one last night of drinking before I have to go alcohol free. I've been drinking every weekend for about a year and a half now, not having alcohol will be odd. But it's better for my overall health, I guess. Maybe I'll actually lose weight bc I won't be drinking 2000 calories every Friday and Saturday.

Damn depression. Sucks.