Damn insightful of you especially in the middle of such feelings! Well done. I promise you, that type of self-reflection with be worth much more going forward than being the most popular person in school.

For what it's worth, I was also a nerd in school. I have Aspergers but it wasn't something the doctors were looking for back in the day and so I went undiagnosed and blamed and shamed for my social awkwardness. Since then I've starred in an infomercial, had two documentaries done on me (for my achievements, not my shortcomings), written two books, etc. Life got better and a willingness for self-examination led the way. I have high hopes for you.