My head tells me, that "I" am my best therapist. Maybe an external T is purely a guide, an anchor, that "I" am the one that knows the pace to set, that the disconnection from emotions and memories, is a useful tool, to protect against overload / overwhelm.

Like undoing a knot from a piece of rope, if you pull too hard, the knot gets tigher. The way to untangle it, is with care, gentleness, slowly unravelling, easing it in different directions.

When it feels too hard, feeling that the knot cannot be untied, T giving encouragement, challenging me not to give up when it feels too hard, looking at the knot together, fathoming what would happen if I tried to wriggle that bit there. Ultimately, it being my knot to solve.

However when the knot has been there a long time, it is harder to undo, the threads of the rope, moulded together. Yet to function as a piece of rope, the knot serves no purpose, an obstacle. So the will to untangle it remains.

Even when it is untied, there remains a little kink in the knot, evidence of where it had been tied. But largely, the rope would resemble a rope without a knot.