kd,

I have honestly never thought of that! Thank you so much. The relationship my husband and I have is the longest relationship he has ever been in, and my family has welcomed him wholeheartedly since day one. The joke is that my dad would trade me for him any day because he likes him better than me. I have never heard that the mind can wait until it feels more secure to let go of some of the painful stuff that was too much to deal with before. I, myself and going to actively see a T as well. My husband said he wanted to go alone for now. There are a lot of things he hasn't told me, he said, because it is hard and embarrassing. There is no telling what has gone on in his life. His dad always worked the late shift, and he can remember laying awake at night until 1 or 2 AM until his dad came home and he said you never knew if he would not be able to find the remote or if there were dishes in the sink, his dad would fly into a rage and come snatch he and his sister out of the bed and slam them against the wall and yell at them for being "little ungrateful f****** brats". This coupled with his dad drinking and other abuses from the age of 6 (that he remembers). My husband first experimented with drugs at 9 years old, by 12 he drank regularly and hung out with high school kids who drove him all over. And yet he turned out so shiny and wonderful, but he doesn't think so.

It breaks my heart and makes it hard not to confront his dad myself I want to take up for him so bad.

K