Hey, I'm new here. I always came here to read things when I got confused about how I feel, but I really need to ask this, as I'd like some more opinions. I'm 19, I'm going to college this year. I have epilepsy and I take Keppra (anti-convulsion med) 500mg 3x/day. I usually feel sad, melancholic, very sensible and afraid to talk/hear/see something that might put me even more down. I feel super tired even though I don't do nothing (I spend most of my days at my gf's house with her mom because I feel less lonely, even though my parents are great - I don't know, different company!) and when they tell me to go somewhere like having coffee/shopping or something I feel such a weight in my body, such a drowsiness just by thinking I have to leave the bed. This is usually my routine (wether school or holidays). I have no friends because I am becoming misantropic since I had a big fight with my group of friends and also I feel pretty anxious and selective when talking to people I'm not very comfortable with. My neurologist made me take 25mg of Zoloft a day because I reported him a huge irritability with everyone around me, and I do feel better. So, I am almost always somewhat feeling depressed, but there are days when I feel pretty normal (although I always feel my mood very vulnerable to any environment around me). I've done lots and lots of quizzes just to help me figure out what I might have, and they always ""diagnose"" bipolar disorder II. But when I look at my routine, I can't see much of a mania. The only things I notice are: out-of-the-blue with no reason irritability, "normal"/happy to hopelessness very quickly, sometimes I feel very very lazy but then out of a sudden I start cleaning amd tidying everything around me. When I'm on public transports or on the street I get very angry at some stupid and selfish but inoffensive actions from other people towards others and I begin imagining them dying very slowly and painfully, and I swear a lot to myself - a few hours later, I feel an awful person because of my previous and unnecessary thoughts. At night, rarely, when me and my girlfriend have a stupid fight or something silly upsets me I go to bed, turn off all the lights and begin strongly holding my tears and my heavy breath, and feel a huge urge to hurt myself, so I scratch all my body until I can't anymore. Then, I fall asleep and wake up the next day feeling ridiculous and, again, sad. Also, sometimes I begin feeling a huge sensation of creativity and organization and I start planning dream trips or a great plan for the next day (which I end up losing all the will). My girlfriend does her best to make me feel motivated and so does her mom. My mom has a huge patience for my mood swings and my dad understands my feelings because he feels a lot like me. My brother just finished medic school and told me and my mom I should see a specialist, and I heard him whisper to my mom that I have symptoms of bipolar or borderline). All these weird and mixed feelings are making me crazy and I'm aiming to go to a specialist. I just feel so alone with all these feelings, I need the opinion of someone who feels the same way. Is there someone bipolar with no obvious mania? Or are my symptoms actually manic? Ah, writing this made me feel better. I'm sorry for the long text. Thanks in advance!