I don't really know what's going on right now. I think maybe I'm stabilizing a little bit. My energy is not as high today. In fact I'd love to take a nap but my mind is still racing a bit and won't let me sleep. But I could be tired because I took 200mg of trazadone last night and still didn't fall asleep until 3am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to sleep normally again.

Mood wise I was euphoric, then switched to irritated, then mellowed out and felt normal. Then back to euphoria then back to irritable af. Rage cleaned. Now I'm feeling restless but I really just want to sleep!!!

I haven't taken the depakote yet. I'm going out tonight for some drinks. Can't mix depakote and alcohol. If I'm still unstable tomorrow I will take it and give up drinking excessively for the time being. It'll be weird to not get drunk every weekend but it's probably for the best. Drinking won't help me stabilize. It was fine when I was stable but best to lay off for now. One last hurrah tonight though.

I'm hoping I don't need the depakote. I'm worried about gaining weight. I absolutely cannot afford to gain any more weight. If I do have to go on it I'm going to try to stick to low carb as much as possible. Although I'm still not eating right. I'm basically forcing down food because I have to. I don't WANT to eat at all.

I hope the lower energy and the relatively mild hypomania means I'm leveling out.