I felt bad for spamming the larger threads, so I opted to post separately about what I've been going through with my T. I posted about our session earlier today
here. It's been so difficult for me to deal with all of this,
especially since I am/was so attached to him. I feel like a failure that the relationship fell apart, I guess because it only serves my hypothesis that I do have BPD. I idealized him, and now I'm devaluing him. I sent him the following e-mail this evening to terminate services:
Quote:
Hello,
I apologize that I am contacting you outside of session. This is contrary to my nature, and I hope you are able to appreciate how difficult this is for me.
At this time, I would like to end the therapeutic relationship between us. While I feel that I have been able to achieve considerable insights and make some gain in our time together, I also feel that continuing to work together will only serve as further detriment to my current emotional state. You said today that I was sensing frustration from you in regards to our work, and I believe that is an accurate representation of what I've interpreted from our last few sessions. This has evoked for me profound feelings of despair, which has only compounded similar feelings brought on by other recent events in my life. I also feel as though you have been dismissive of what I feel are serious concerns as of late. Perhaps you are accurate in saying that I am strong and resilient, as it was only through sheer determination of will that I did not act upon the impulsive thoughts that I had immediately following our session today.
I would like to thank you for the positive outcomes that stem from our work together, though it is difficult at this juncture to do so. I do feel that I am able to more accurately identify what it is that triggers my episodes of destructive depression, and that this knowledge has helped me to slightly lessen their duration and frequency.
I would like to request any referrals you may have for a suitable therapist for me to visit in the future should I decide to continue seeking therapeutic services. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daisy
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I guess I'm just looking for support through what's been a very difficult time. I'm also going through a lot in my personal life and my professional life, so frankly it all feels like it's falling apart at the seams.