I do not know how long you have been around your inlaws but I always had a very hard time being around mine for many years because of just that. It's improved and the less insecure I am the better. Today I make sure that I am in a good space if I visit and if not then I don't go and I don't have to feel guilty about it. My mother inlaw is the one I struggel with the most today because she's even talked about me to my husband as if I'm not there. Talk about pushing buttons that does it for me. It's weird because ever since I decided that I wasn't going to visit them when I'm not feeling up to it even if my husband does, my mother inlaw comes to visit more which puts her on my turf which is much easier. She doesn't seem to cross that line in my home. We've been married 27 years so there's been a lot of time getting to know them and them me and I am not the easiest person to get to know either. Just wanted to share my experiance to let you know you're not alone and to let you know it is ok to not visit them if you are not up to it that it doesn't have to be totally shutting them out if you don't want to but ok when needed. So far so good for me.
Larks