I'm not entirely sure of the exact reasons why I feel the way I do, however, if I were to guess, I would say that it's either what you said or me maybe fearing the light or a combination of the two. I don't know.

All I know is that I'm at a huge crossroads in my life. I'm doing well for myself financially. I am making over $400 a month more than my living expenses which is huge for me plus I have at least a few grand coming in next month. If I keep working and saving up money, I could expand on my dropshipping side business and possibly scale it to 6 figures within the next year if I reinvest some of my extra money into it.

This is what I've been fighting for for so long and I long since gave up everything for money including most of my friends and some other things that used to make me happy assuming I could just buy all of my problems away and sate this emptiness inside of me. It is clear that I wasn't entirely correct and the last several years of my life have been wasted. If I could have acted sooner, perhaps I wouldn't have wasted so much of my youth away.

I don't know. I'm conflicted and confused about a lot of things. What I wouldn't give for a mentor in my life right now.