I already know it's abuse, as does he. This is something we've been through before (about 3 years ago), but since he is willing to admit what he is doing this time, and because it isn't as extreme as last time, I am willing to try to work on things with him. I don't believe myself responsible for things, its just that at times I feel my thoughts, feelings, opinions are irrelevant to everyone except me, and that makes me hugely upset. After being abused the last time, I learned not to let him in my head enough to make me feel responsible, but the says those things with such hatred in his eyes when he says them, is part of what is so hurtful.