Trigger Warning - mention of child abuse


I've been working on living with a binge-eating disorder for the past year. I've had a lot of success at Overeaters Anonymous - it's really helped with my (Type 2) diabetes too which is great.

BUT

Yesterday I knew I had to take my meds with food, but the thought of food in my mouth made me want to vomit. This has happened ocassionally for the past 5 or so years, but when it happened yesterday I got really anxious about it. I can't do without my diabetic meds, so not eating isn't an option for me, but the disgust and yukkiness I felt were horrible, and I didn't want to eat at all.

I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse & violence. The abuse was sometimes oral. Sometimes food gets complicated for me - I either long for the feel of something in my mouth or the thought of that makes me sick. Right now I just don't know what's going on. I don't know what to do to make it better/live with it.

Any help or advice is welcome. My doctor is a total git when it comes to mental health stuff, so I'd like to avoid that if possible.

I'm Cross Posting this to the Survivors of Abuse forum, because I think it's connected, but not sure how exactly.