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I've always been able to read the emotions of others to the point where I fear getting negative looks because I don't want to be judged. My mother has judged me all of my life. I used to be a social butterfly then had it in my head by middle school that I wasn't good enough and I needed more people to like me/validate me so I stayed in the background. I know how to socialize and all that normal ****. I just fear people backstabbing me if I become to close. Now she wants me to get some asd interview and testing when I am objecting. Wow. I walked out of the first therapist's office feeling relieved like maybe the world wasn't against me and I could socialize again.
Now I've been monitoring myself, looking at myself through the eyes of my ****ing mother. Everything I've done has been analyzed and inflated and then made to look as though my reaction to growing up under my mothers roof, wanting to retreat, is all a problem of the brain not of the household I was raised in.
This just puts me further into a depression. I feel like I don't have a voice. My perspective hasn't mattered for the longest. Can anyone explain to me what the symptoms are of high functioning g autism or aspergers? Because I am sure I don't have it.
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