A little update...

We've been talking everyday for a little over a week, and of course the idea of how to find a way to be together IRL has come up. He wants to buy a one way ticket to come live in the US. I can't help but have one dominate feeling, and one tiny little feeling that nags at me from the back of my head.

First feeling is of course, feeling guilty that he'd give up everything he knows and loves just to come here and be with me. We haven't made any plans yet, being that what we have right now (a relationship?) is in it's early stages, but we have brought it up in passing. It's always been him coming to be with me. Never the other way around.

It isn't that we just began talking to one another last Wednesday, he and I have talked and known each other since before I even joined these forums. He said he had a huge crush on me for a long time and was too afraid of the age difference (he's 24 and I'm 33) to really say anything. Plus, he's very shy and inexperienced with these sorts of things because I'm basically the first girl to respond back to him in a romantic way.

It was the night that I first (and lastly) self harmed that he said he didn't see me as some sort of dark monster, but a sad and lonely woman who was full of stress and fear. He said he wanted to just take all my pain and suffering and somehow absorb it into himself. He said that I make him feel like no one else has ever made him feel before.

It was that night, in his confession that I realized how much he meant to me. That he and I are looking for the same things in life. We are so compatible. We play Diablo II together, talk for hours on end (about anything and everything), we both were so anxious and nervous our first time voice chatting that we kept on procrastinating it until we decided to do it and get over our nerves. We both have Auditory Processes sing Disorder, or something similar. Plus, our astrology signs are highly compatible too.

However, there is a nagging feeling deep inside of me. Is it all too good to be true? Can it all be some trick or ploy feeding off of my vulnerabilities? I mean, would he just be using me to escape his home where he has almost no space to himself. I mean, the rooms are just sheets dividing sleeping areas.

I don't know...I'm just so unsure of everything right now...