For 24 days I have been IP and nothing has changed except medications, and they are not helping. I want to run away, get off meds and try another approach but they won't let me out due to SI. My hope of being stable for any decent amount of time has left me and I want to die.

Today I am seeing my doctor and we will discuss my suitability for TMS (trans cranial magnetic stimulation). It is my last hope. I am drowning in darkness, trapped in hospital and ready to end it all.

All through this I am trying to complete a unit at university and am struggling. I am also missing too much work which is impacting me financially and increasing the possibility they will either fire me or not give me any hours upon my return ( am casual).

I don't know what to do but wait until it hopefully passes but I am not sure how much longer I can hang on.