I feel the same, ADs modify your brain in a way that can cause a lot of pain or relieve you from pain! I took them for 2 years while a teen and they killed my passion for books. I stopped reading and doing any kind of cognitive activity because it numbed me, but after 6 years I am here again! (I took prozac and paxil, they also caused me a hypomanic episode that became a mixed one, while before taking them I had never had a mixed episode).

When the serotonin in the brain becomes high because of SSRI, the brain may react releasing less serotonin to fight the RI. This is more likely to happen younger you are because your brain is more plastic, this is why it worse depression and anxiety in teens much more (statistically) than it does in adults.

I had horrible consequences from AD use, but it is not brain damage, it just the brain changed to adjust to the med. Once you stop it, it can take long time to be like before, which means if it actually helped you you might get depressed again but if it harmed you the harm can be reversed with time and cognitive exercise.

Painting, learning a new language, chess, ... Even iuf you feel nothing at the beginning and you have to force yourself, with time and patience you will end up finding joy and creativity again.

Don't focus on what AD did, just try to get better!