I guess what I'm angry about is the fact that I've been ignored most of my life because of my birth defects and neck fusion. Nobody ever called me up to say, "Hey David (yes, I'm comfortable using my real name), some of us are hanging out at ______ tonight. You want to come?" In college, my only friends were die-hard Christians from the Christian organizations, who would be friends with anybody anyway.

Granted, some of it is my fault. In college, all I had to do was go up to a girl that I'd met maybe once or twice and say, "Hey, you're pretty cool. Wanna hang out sometime or do something with me?" Yes, I would have gotten some (or a lot) of "No's," or "Thanks, but no thanks," or "I already have a boyfriend, sorry" (which I've recently heard isn't always true when a girl says that, it's often just an excuse she uses when she's not interested in a particular guy). However, I bet I would have also gotten some "Yes's," and one of those "Yes's" could have become my girlfriend, maybe even wife, or unfortunately, my ex-wife once she found out about my emotional instability . But I guess growing up, I gave the impression that I didn't WANT to talk to anybody (due to my low self-esteem from the birth defects), so I guess I deserved it.

Now, at 33, I'm getting to the age where I might not ever be able to find Ms. Right. Many women my age, if I go by Facebook, already have a husband and kids of their own. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without ever being loved by a significant other, so that often leads to thoughts of suicide as well.

In a way, I have the "right" to be pissed off at the world because I've been ignored most of my life, but if I keep holding onto that anger, I will never get better. It's going to take a long time of therapy and possibly medication before I ever get better.

Also, as stated above in my previous posts, I tend to be a manipulative control freak and then get angry/hopeless when people don't listen to me...I need to work on that too!