I think about death all the time. Always about what it would do to my wife. I can not get life insurance because of my illness.

Neither option is a good one, but I think unwelcome thoughts is a better option. You can start to learn how to deal with those thoughts and how to combat the adverse effects on you.

People would think about you when you're gone. It is not worth it - allow those people to think about you now. If you have a close friend you can talk to, or get a therapist - you need a way to deal with these feelings you are having.