So it has been a while now but it still feels like I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It has been really rough on me for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of specific circumstances, and details about what happened. It should have been more amicable than I would allow but we still remain friends. Of the 500 reasons we didn't work out, there is one specific issue related to my mental health.

I am of course not talking about someone you have been dating a few months, but a serious long term relationship. Once you are no longer putting on faces for each other, you know most of each other's secrets. At that point in a relationship, I want a partner who will drop (within reason) what they are doing when I have a SERIOUS episode and come be with me, not fix anything but be there with me. I don't mean leave for in the middle of the day or really important obligations, but I do mean like 2 am on a weekday.

I am the most stable I have been in my whole life right now. I say this to make the point these are not frequent occasions, maybe 2-4 a year at most. Not every time I am off, every time I am sad or hypomanic.

He said that was asking for too much and I needed to be more respectful of his time and other obligations. I know it isn't something people in a relationship with someone without a mental illness have to deal with, so it is something extra that I am asking for. I would imagine seeing me in a bad episode is not the most pleasant experience, it probably sucks. I know I need to talk to my therapist when I am going through hard times.

Even with all that I really don't know if I could spend my life with someone who cannot make my mental health a priority in their life. I don't consider myself a high maintenance girlfriend, most of the time I like my space and am able to enjoy my own company. When I am bad though every coping skill I have goes out the window. I have been hospitalized twice for mental illness and I hate it, I am afraid of it. So while these times I am wanting a partner to drop things and be with me are times I should probably just be taking myself to the hospital but I just won't.

I really rambled here but the topic is emotional for me. There is no other thing about me that I would want someone to drop everything and come be with me. Even if I was severally physically ill/injured I just need medical care and when they have the time they can come check up on me.