I agree that you're doing what your programming has taught you to do (to get your needs met). Do you constantly scan your environment for what's safe? Do you pick up on energy quite well? Do you notice every little thing about a person's mannerisms, voice inflection, posture, etc.?

Maybe these "tests" are to see what is safe and what is not, even if the tests are in the favor of the person failing? Dipping your toe in the water, to see how deep you can go, if you will.

Are you going from one extreme to the other? You were pissed and confident in your decision, now it's all your fault and you're manipulative? Only you know the answer to this. There must be a shade of grey in there...not all black and white. Now is a chance for emotional regulation and to meet yourself in the middle.