Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Yes, it makes sense to me that a streak can itself become a source of added pressure, and that you could think about it as you did, and then BP almost as an experiment if you will, to see if the thoughts would go away.
What did you find out: to what extent did the thoughts go away, at least for a time?
Was 14 days your longest streak ever, or in a long time?
I think that you are doing good work right now on BP,  , even though you had that slip. It sounds like it might be helpful to think about and/or speak to your therapist about how to deal with the pressure that may come again if you go a long time without BP. |
Well the specific thoughts about BPing have left- the worries about when will I do it next and how long can I hold out etc. now I just think about how I hate it- which isn't so bad I guess. But if the past predicts the future this will last a few days and then I will start debating with myself again
And the 14 day streak was the longest having gone without in a long time, not ever. I actually began throwing up when I was in the hospital for anorexia in 2000. After being released I was severlybbulimic in no time. Then, for years, I would go through periods of remission and periods where the bulimia and anorexic tendencies and thoughts reigned. In college the bulimia worsened more than ever, around 2007-2011. Much of that time was I bulimic, terribly so. Than after graduation I'm 2012 I moved in with my mom as I couldn't afford my own place anymore so I only purged and BPd occasionally. That is, until this March. It returned with a vengeance. I have BPd more since March than I have in the last five years combined, about 100 times at least. It became almost daily very quickly. Then in May I decreased the frequency a little and June a little more and in July I purged only 5 times. Last night was my first in a August, first in two weeks.
So I know I can go without for a lot longer because I have. I just have to get there. It's just I find so much safety in my ED behaviors. I wish I had a counselor that specialized in EDs. I used to, two different ones actually, but one left her practice and my insurance stopped covering the other.
I have Medicare as my primary insurance because I'm on SSDI, and they only cover counselors with a social work degree or licensure-there are none with those credentials and ED specialization anywhere remotely close to me. My new counselor has work d with EDs but made it clear she is not in any way a specialist. My psychiatrist is trying to work a bit with me on it, but we have a lot else to work on. I had a dietician for almost four years but Medicare won't pay for nutritional services now unless I'm in renal failure, diabetic or getting a kidney transplant. Ridiculous insurance.
So I will only be seeing my dietician every 6 weeks and paying out of pocket rather than the once a week visits. She specializes in EDs so was helpful for a lot more than mere nutritional counseling.
That was long winded. I am sorry. Had to get it out I guess.
Thanks for all of your ongoing support. I really really appreciate it.