Thanks for your support everyone. I am seeing my pdoc this afternoon to discuss starting TMS. It is my last hope. A med holiday sounds like an idea. I will talk to him about that too. Was supposed to go to uni today but am not up for it as I am so tired and unstable. This will set me back but hopefully I can still catch up if/when I am feeling better.

Still feel suicidal. Hope seems lost but i am trying to take life one moment at a time.