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Originally Posted by xavier.s
Not sure if this is the right forum, but since I'm experiencing extreme derealization/depersonalization I'm not sure where else to put. I think the world is not real, everything is so foggy and its causing me to panic. I've starting taking street xanax because my brain feels on fire and I'm constantly feeling like I'm ab to black out. The thing is I have this fear I'm going psychotic because this type of stress isn't normal like test anxiety or maybe social anxiety. This feeling is making me suicidal. I just want to not feel this way. I'm not hallucinating but the world feels so ****ing weird. I use to smoke weed and I've taken acid about 3 times. I feel like I'm having a bad trip/panic attack on weed 24/7! it's insane but telling someone is even more scary, because when I use to get bad trips it was the fear of people knowing that drove me insane and made me crazy. I'm going to the doctors office tomorrow but what do I tell them? like hey doc, I'm really stressed? (the thing is I'm not just stressed I feel like I'm living in a waking nightmare) I want to be able to explain it so I don't ****ing do some crazy ****. I feel like I'm developing schizophrenia since I'm right at the age of the development for that (I'm an 18 year old male). Also my uncle and great uncle had schizophrenia. Also I'm not feeling my self lately, I don't go out, I don't play piano and I can barely talk to people because I'm constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. Everything I use to like to do is so dumb because the world doesn't feel real. Please if you are responding do not indicate I might be developing psychosis because it will trigger me. I feel so scared, just I need help on my next steps because I can't tell my parents but I'm on their insurance. Personally, I want to do something drastic like like maybe outpatient? but my parents would flip then I'd get suicidal and panic. I need it to be lowkey I guess. Just need some tips and help. Also if it's in the wrong forum could you point me somewhere else. Thanks.
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first welcome to the dissociation forums yes posting about depersonalization and derealization is in this forum....
you will find information on what these are here in the USA... in my links at the bottom of my post
one key factor when a treatment provider diagnosis's these things is they have to rule out the problems being because of things like drugs and alcohol...why because some medications, street drugs and things like weed and alcohol can cause the same problems, this leads me to my first suggestion.....
contact a treatment provider who can help you get off the street drugs and get you evaluated for dissociative disorders.
if you google the drugs that you are taking you may find that its very common for drug users to think things are not real, think and fear black outs, making ones brain feel like its on fire, and having bad trips......
my biggest tip is.... lose the drugs, street drugs are not always pure drugs. most times dealers lace them with other things that can cause you lots of problems even paranoia or death. a treatment provider can help you get cleaned and detoxed in a safe way, after you are clean/ detoxed they will be able to find out for sure what mental disorders if any that you may have and get you treated on the right treatment plans.
until you are ready to stop doing drugs Im taking a guess here that theres probably nothing much that will help. talk with your parents and treatment providers.
by the way since you are 18 you can just walk into any crisis center, NA or AA, church ... and such that do not charge or charge a small donation fee or a sliding fee. if you have money for street drugs then you have money for getting treated at these places. since you are 18 you dont need your parents permission to see someone in crisis centers and such.