Welcome, It sounds like your spouse has some pretty deep seated, long standing emotional stuff that has been more triggered by being deployed, and now being re-exposed. It is important for you to get yourself support during all of this and as much as you are able, act out of love and concern. You could benefit from therapy as well. I am sorry he is going through all of this. He is lucky to have you. By the way that dad of his sounds like a few I have known. I wish you luck and post whenever and however you need.