hey, it 's me again...LOL , okay, first lets just suspend any need to "blame" anyone for a moment and take a diffrent perspective. lets try to understand what you're supposed to be learning from the situation that your in. It seems as though your life is rather un-manageable, and despite your best efforts things have just gotten worse. hmmm maybe God is wanting you to realise that he's in control and when you come to the end of yourself he'll be waiting, no need to ride this thing to the bottom just give it to him now and you concentrate on just setting yourself up with some "support" in the form of a good church family. don't worry about finding one,don't worry about anything, walk in faith and hope,and love,and watch what happens in your life. you've got very real problems...but he's a very awesome God! (he comes highly reccomended) trust is a hard thing, I know...but is it harder than what your going thru now? I know that you have been reaching out to God, so, right now in the midst of your problems and sadness, let God know that you know who's in control and praise him for his promise to work all things out to your benifit...let it all go and just do what you know you should do. one minute,one hour,one day at a time, be his child and find his peace, and he'll be who he is...your deliverer, counselor, provider, friend, father,Lord and God.