Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
I'm so sorry for your the loss of your father and grandmother. I'm so sorry that you had that extremely rough time during which bulimia seemed to offer the only version of haven, solace, and support that you could find.
 (((((harmonyinheart)))))
I suspect that now, three months+ after the loss of your grandmother, you are still grieving for your losses and for all that you suffered during those many harrowing months.
I really admire the strength, endurance, and resilience that you have demonstrated. And, given all that has happened so recently, it think it is really quite amazing that you went 14 days without BP. You have a lot of determination. I also admire the candor and intelligence with which you speak about your difficulties.
What was your life like before things fell apart--say, about a year ago? Before bipolar took a turn for the worse. |
You are very kind, very kind. Thank you for your support and understanding. It is priceless, thank you.
Before my bipolar took a turn for the worse, it was still a struggle. I started smoking pot and drinking again in the fall of 2015, stopped the alcohol in a few months but the pot took a litttle longer to give back up. I'm sober for a long time now. But it has been a rough handful of years. I graduated in 2012 and began working full time for a group home for adults with mental illnesss (oh the irony, right?!) immediately following graduation. Within a few months the mixed symptoms started to be disruptive and in April 2013 I took leave from work and in May took official FMLA leave for three months while my doctor and I tried to bring my mind back to health. I lasted like two weeks when I returned to work and was then nearly back to where I had been when I took leave in the first place. At my psychiatrist's suggestion I applied for disability. Before starting to work, I hadn't even been able to get through a college term at full time for a few years already- the bipolar always became too much. And I was on and off with bulimia/bulimirexia since high school (graduated 2004). The ED has really been with me since I was 14. The bipolar, anxiety disorder and OCD combined with the ED really muddles everything and the ED is so affected by all those things and those things affect the ED too. Finally in Nov of 2016 the SS decision was finally favorable and I have been on disability since.
Okay, I don't think I really answered your question yet.
I don't know how to answer it, really. It seems like I have spent so long with I'll health it is hard to remember what life was and can be like. There were periods, though they have grown increasingly minimal as the years have passed, that I was in remisssion. I did have times when I was happy for noreason other than not being depressed or manic. I do miss that. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, I'm not miserable 24/7- I have days that are good and days that are bad. And a lot of days both. Happiness my doctor tells me is not th goal of treatment, and I guess he is right. But the capacity for it, I consider,is.