Possible trigger warning...discussing sexual topics.


My long-term therapist and I had a good thing going, up until I developed an attachment to her. One day, I visited a strip club and got a dance from a woman who left that night in regular clothes and I realized how much they looked like one another.

She told me things like:

She could have been a stripper.
She goes to strip clubs for the laughs.
When I tried to separate the two women by saying they only had their hairstyles in common, she said, "You know we have MUCH more in common that just our hairstyles." WTF. I stuttered.
In the next sessions when I refused to let her do that again, I told her, "I finally was able to separate you two. You only have similar haircuts," she replied, "Well...whatever you have to do to think that" in her sarcastic tone.

WTH?! How could she tell me that when she saw me struggling. I kept telling ex-t that I wasn't attracted to her in that way and she would say, "You're having too much guilt over this. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to." I put my head in my hands. Frustrated. Nearly in tears, wanting to run out due to my discomfort. I get what she was trying to do there, but I was so dang confused and didn't want to develop romantic feelings for her/erotic transference.

She wore short dresses and at times, tight, skimpy cocktail dresses which she tugged down constantly, especially when shifting her legs. I became uncomfortable and distracted, barely able to look at her. The lengths of the dresses were well above knee, I'd say half way between her hip and knee. Tugging at her attire didn't help me as a client who didn't want to look at her in that way and felt awful for even being confused about it.

I told new-t all of this and he apologized on her behalf. I told him other things she said/did and he acquiesced that it would have "mind f-cked anyone" and that all of it combined were mixed messages. We both agreed she probably liked the attention I paid her.

Then new therapist recommended a new movie to watch which has a girl on girl love scene, which he found to be very "hot." He talked about how he didn't understand a feminine woman wanting to be with another woman who isn't femme as well. "When clients come in like that, it confuses me. Why would you want that? Couldn't you just be with a man?"
I am feminine and like feminine women, so it didn't apply to me, but I found it completely inappropriate.
Last week, apropos of nothing, he started to talk about Freud and Jung sleeping with their patients/clients.

Each of these therapists have told me how laidback, charming, and funny I am. Is it me? Do I allow these people to talk to me like that? Should I be more rigid?

I'm still heartbroken over ex-t. I miss her very much. Now, having to search for someone new and not having many attachment based therapists who also take my insurance in my area, is a daunting task.

Is it me? Do I have to lay out boundaries for these therapists?! Do I joke around too much? I've very upfront about my issues and need for someone w/strong boundaries...or are these acceptable comments? Maybe I'm being too sensitive? I'm all over the damn place!