I'm overwhelmed by so many things in life. I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. I've got my ups and downs, but the downs are definitely more frequent and intense than the ups. On a scale of 1 to 10, with a 1 being depressed/miserable, and a 10 being happy (whatever that means), most of my time is spent hanging around 3 or 4. Mostly 3.

A work friend recently announced she is expecting a baby. I've never really wanted to have a child, but the announcement knocked me down a peg. I'm happy for her, but I'm taking a good, hard look at my life and I'm not ok. I pretend to be ok. On paper I'm ok. But I'm not. My clock is starting to tick, and my boyfriend doesn't want kids. I don't necessarily want kids. I want a family. I don't have a family. If I want one, I have to make one.

I want to feel wanted. I want to feel like part of a unit. I want to feel like I belong. I'm tired of feeling like the kid who shows up late to the game just as everybody leaves.