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bchlyn said:
i am not sure i am better then this... but i am trying... the truth is i just don't want to be exposed when i tell my t... he pushed me really hard the last time... i hadn't si for several years... but the past 2 years have been hard

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I don't know where you cut but maybe if you pick out a "public" place (arm/leg) and also pick out clothing to wear to T that shows that place (teeshirt/short-sleeved blouse, shorts/skirt) and mark the spot with marker or something it will help keep you from cutting, remind you of what's at stake and how much you and your T are together on not wanting you to?