Trigger for topic of death

Last Friday's session was great; I didn't need to start a thread and was thinking how well I'm doing. Today was different, and I'm thinking about whether I'm just overly sensitive or if there's something deeper. Or if it's my pattern again.

T knew I'd brought some old family movies I transferred to DVDs. It fits in with our discussion of death. I've been stressed with new things to care of, and I wanted to tell her what they are, which is not the same as telling her about my week. Or is it? I said I didn't want help, just wanted to tell her, and halfway through she asked why I wanted to tell her when I had other plans for the session. I answered that I wanted her to know how difficult my life is, and how I'm doing all of these things I never thought I'd be doing myself, like trying to hire a painter, for one. I'm overwhelmed. She responded that I'm doing quite well with all of my new challenges.

I'm annoyed because I told her partly because I thought she'd be interested and I wanted validation that I'm overwhelmed and stressed. I told my friends these things too, and am getting advice and help. I have a bad feeling because T asked why am I telling her? I think it sets off my "I'm your job" feeling. She was inferring "let's get on with it". Does that sound correct?

When I showed her part of the movies, I talked about how sad I felt because life goes so fast, I was thin then, and most of the people are no longer living. I keep telling her I don't want to die, or lose my family members, and she says "death is part of life; we all die", and it helps to make each day meaningful. That's how she looks at death, she says. I'm a little annoyed because all that is true, but I'm still scared and depressed, and she hasn't wanted to go there. She thinks I have a lot more of my life left, but how does she know? She said that of course, anyone could die at any time. So, I'm depressed about that. I expected more from her. She showed me a short video about a young woman with a disease who expected to die but did not yet, and how happy she is in her life.

T also said that she has learned from her clients how resilient people are in the face of tragedy. Her work doesn't depress her, but is inspirational.

At the end of the session I said "Okay, we talked about death so I don't have anything else to talk about". She responded "Do you want to skip next week then?" I gave her an emphatic NO. She then said there's a lot more to talk about death, of course.

I was also annoyed when she asked if I always cry when I watch the videos. I guess I kind of snapped back " I only watched twice. I just got them." She wondered how she was supposed to know that, and thinks I talk to others that way too. She's called me out on that before, not to criticize, but to let me know how it affects her.

I feel sad. Maybe it's the subject, maybe it's the separation from T when I felt so connected on Friday. She was out-of-town so I saw her last Friday instead of Wednesday; I only go once a week.

I don't want to email her the above, which is what I usually do anyway. I'm lacking sleep, which is one of my stressors too. It looks like I'm still attached to T though I'm doing much better. I would appreciate any comments about my session.