Hope, I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice that may help and I learned from experiences that caused more pain when I didn't follow it. You can take it or leave it but thought it might be helpful. Don't do the things you want to do when in an intense or painful emotion or even one you want to avoid. Sitting with those feelings until they pass is a best choice and saves you regretted actions. It isn't comfortable in any way to do this but it often saves more pain. Slow down and don't beat yourself up so much, no one got better over night and it takes lots of practice to really get hold of. I hope this is helpful albeit not easy.