I've been struggling with this lately too, the push/ pull of wanting T close then pushing them away. I have a hard time trusting people, let alone really opening up to someone. I enjoy my therapy sessions tremendously and am super grateful to have finally found a good therapist. However, recently I've found myself feeling numb after an especially intense session. I always do this when things are getting too intense, I shut down, disassociate, detach myself. Feeling numb happened a few sessions ago and now I've been getting nervous for my weekly appointments (I never got nervous before). I think for me it's scary to trust someone, scary to let someone get so close, I'm terrified T will let me down just like everyone else has. I don't have any good advice here or know how I'll resolve it myself, other than I'm going to keep showing up each week and hope I can work through my trust issues.