thank you for the ideas... i know i have been in a really bad cycle and i know he is justifiably concerned about me... even if i don't want him to be...but right now what keeps me from si... is i don't want to have to show him what i did... he has me keep a chart so i can see all the days i don't follow through...and he usually pushes me to talk about what triggered it... and that is hard...but the last time he wanted me to tell him what i did... and how i did it... in detail... i just shut down... so he asked me to write it out for him... but the truth is... until i don't want it... i won't get back to where it isn't powerful.
i tried the marker... but it kind of back fired... and he sees ice as bad as when i cut... he doesn't want me to use pain to escape...i know i don't make much sense.