These actually ARE from my T:

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TMC,

I haven’t read the letter to S (ExT) part of your email yet. But I wanted to respond to you on the first part, and my computer battery is almost dead.

I don’t want you to contact S, though I’m guessing you might, if you haven’t already. I’m jealous of your feelings towards S, though you already may know that. How do you feel about it?

Also, I want you to eat. I don’t want you to be perfect. I want you to be TMC. I want TMC.

C

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TMC,

I think I expressed my feelings poorly in my email to you last night, and I want to apologize to you for it and, hopefully, clarify.

Specifically, I think “jealous” was a not very accurate way to describe my feelings about your feelings about S (ExT). I think more to the point would be this: I feel a longing for you to have some of the feelings you have for S with me.

C

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TMC,

Unfortunately I just have a few minutes this morning before a full day, but wanted to briefly respond.

I’m scared too. Not because I worry that either of us will be damaged by our relationship (that’s what the relationship boundaries are there to protect), but because you are right: I am vulnerable. In my view, your experiences with S, along with the kind of attachment-based counseling relationship you want with me, makes that pretty unavoidable. So we will work with it.

I think its kind that you feel the urge to protect me and not hurt me. And you can choose to do things towards those ends if you wish, but I want to be clear: I give you full permission to do things that hurt me. In fact, that is unavoidable, as it is in any close relationship. My promise to you, and what I ask you to trust, is that I will not be angry with you or withdrawal from you for any thoughts, feelings or actions (within our boundaries) on your part.

So…contact S or not, as you see fit. What you do will impact me, and the impact on me will impact you. And that is what you and I will base our counseling on.

C