I'm still wondering, what would showing your wife that you love her look like? If not a phone call, then what? Sending flowers? I'm just not sure what you have in mind...

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dragonphoto said:
She was very stressed out this holiday season because I was not there to help her. I feel really bad about that, but I thought that is what she wanted.

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Well, did she want it or didn't she? Did you ask her? One of the things I learned from my therapist's efforts to help my husband and I improve communication between ourselves is that we mustn't make assumptions about what we think the other person is thinking or wanting. Because often we are wrong, and this leads to misunderstanding and hard feelings. The best thing to do is seek clarification from the other person and ask directly. Something like, "do you need some help from me at the holidays?" And if she said she doesn't need your help, well, you've done what you can, you've offered, and if she gets stressed out because she doesn't have enough help, well, she had her chance to ask for it!

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I try my hardest to let her know that I am here for her but I don't think she really knows it...

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Again, sounds like a communication problem. Tell her directly so she will really know it.

dragonphoto, hang in there with this. It is hard to develop functional communication patterns after years of misunderstanding. But it will be worth it. Your couple's therapist can help you with this, and you can practice healthy and productive ways of communicating with each other right in his office.

I'm sorry you are feeling down. The holidays are hard.