After almost 20 years of marriage, the kids & I left this past July. My counselor said that it was a miracle that I had the will left to leave after this length of time. I didn't really understand what he was saying because I was so resolute in my decision.
It was tough, to say the least. After over a decade of working FOR my husband in a family business, I was frightened to be back "on the job market" but amazingly, I found a wonderful job that makes me feel like I'm not just working, but truly helping people. (I'm a grant writer for a non profit agency that works for senior citizens).
But I must admit that "breaking free" is still a wrenching process. My ex is still obsessed with the hope that we will reconcile, but despite his declarations that he is a different man, I don't truly believe that he has faced the abuse issue squarely. He still wants to blame financial pressures, family, etc...for the break up.
I beg for space but he is no more responsive now than he was when I pleaded for him to get help during the marriage. He's like the proverbial thief who is not sorry that he stole, but is terribly sorry that he was caught.
But it's pitiful because I honestly don't think he is conscious of what truly needs to be dealt with. (i.e. the fact that he grew up in an abusive home where the abuser was protected & enabled at his expense).

I did the same thing for him for many years because I just didn't understand what I was dealing with. I thought I could heal him by giving him all the love and affirmation that he didn't get growing up. I justified my devotion by telling myself that he was so talented & had such potential to be a good person that all it would take was more time...more love....more devotion. I nearly allowed myself to be destroyed before I realized that some problems can't be "fixed" just because there is love/passion/etc.
The battle goes on, and some days I feel strong and some days I feel hopeless. But somehow, I can't stop believing that it will be alright with time.