Yeah, I think the fact that I haven't been put on meds, and not had complications due to meds, is a plus from being afraid of doctors. Sometimes I am envious of others who have had the benefit of meds, and I do wish I had them when I am really bad and can't function, but seeing how they sometimes hurt people makes me relived I have been able to try to heal without them.

I guess, part of the reason this all bothers me the most is that I feel so inferior to all the people who see doctors on a regular basis. I have the insurance, I have for many many years. When things get serious, I do force myself to go if it is an emergency, but I am left out of any preventative care.

I feel like the doctors are afraid of me when they find out my history. I don't know if I would be able to just say I don't want a Physical, and still be treated when I get sick. Instead, I just try not to get sick.

I guess, I just feel this would be one thing that might make me a "normal" person. I want to try to figure it out.