This sense of mis-alignment when the moods and behaviors take over.
When your mind-set and impulses no longer align with your identity.
When you no longer recognize yourself
Where you feel like something unnatural is happing to you.
and you have this overwhelming feeling that you're not the way you're supposed to be

When I started experiencing symptoms thats how I felt, and this grew with the intensity of my mood episodes. It was usually just a super uncomfortable uneasy feeling that I had, without knowing what it meant, or being able to put it in words. I used to brush it off.

But when I'm stable, this sense of mis-alignment and unease with myself just disappears. I mean I still have flaws, low-self esteem, there are alot of things I still hate about myself....but the flaws that are left when my symptoms are gone, are the ones that are inherently me - and that makes it different.

I've kind of come up with a word for it, but I'm not sure if it's okay to use it. Maybe not, but that's what I call it in my head.